I don't know what it is about fall that I love so much.  
Is it the display of warm colours splashed across the ground while chilly winds surround?
Or the fact that I can stop by starbucks now and order a hot chocolate and sit outside and enjoy?
Because it makes no sense to sit inside a warm building and drink hot chocolate to keep you warm.
It just defeats the whole purpose in my opinion. 

The past couple of days have been quite odd and it's hard to explain. 
I feel as if there's been a divider inserted into my life separating
everything before finding out my mom has cancer and life after finding out. 
It doesn't make any sense to me to feel that way because my mom is the same person,
she wakes up the same way, cooks breakfast the same way, plays with mya the same way. 

And everyone still wakes up the same way, still drives to work, still eats, still sleeps. 
Everyone still put their pants on one leg at a time. 

My family  held a rosary prayer for my mom last night. 
Me, being atheist, i was very reluctant to go but of course my family doesn't know I'm atheist except for my mother. 
I sat there with a broken rosary in my hand (how ironic) and moved my mouth so it looked like i was participating.
I didn't like it one bit and it had nothing to do with religion or any of that sort of nonsense. 
It was the fact that it made me feel like my mom was dying and that they were praying for god to save her soul. 
She's not dying, she doesn't have two weeks to live or anything quite morbid like that. 

She's very healthy, mind the cancer. 
Doing something like that, however well intended, made me feel like they didn't believe
that she would make it on her own, that she couldn't fight the cancer on her own will. 
And if I, her daughter, felt like that you have to imagine how my mother felt about it. 
I'm sure she understood that it was meant well, but as the old adage says


"the road to hell is paved with good intentions."